Can you please revise my rough draft and tell me any mistakes, things I should correct, etc?
The effects of the Gold Rush were substantial. For example-San Francisco grew from a tiny hamlet of tents to a boom town. Roads, churches, schools, and other towns were built throughout California. A system of laws and government were created leading to the admission of California as a state in 1850. New methods of transportation developed as a steamships came into regular service as railroads were built.
The business of agriculture, California s next major growth field was started on a wide scale throughout the state. However the Gold Rush had negative effects on Native American s who were attacked and pushed off traditional langs, and the gold mining caused environmental harm. The methods of extraction were that large amounts of gravel and silt in a addition to heavy metals and other pollutants went into streams and rivers.
Gold was discovered in southern California but on a much smaller scale. The first discovery of gold at Rancho, San Francisco in the mountains north of present-day Los Angeles, had been in 1842, six years before Marshall s discovery, while California was still apart of Mexico. However the 1842 discovery attracted little notice and were of limited consequence economically.
People lived in a cabin with six other minors. The cabin had a fireplace and an oven. The minors diets were poor with the result that many suffered from disease s particulary scurvy. They often felt seriously ill and became deranged and were not expected to live but surprisingly recovered in a week s time.
One of the people who had lived on a gold camp explained, Many people that came there met with bad success and thousands would probably end up leaving their bones there. Others lost their health, contracted diseases that they will carry to their graves with them. Some begged their way home and half of the people that came there will never make enough to carry them back. There was a good deal of sin and sickness that went on there like stealing, lying, swearing, drinking, gambling, and murdering. Almost every public house was a place for gambling and it appeared to be the greatest evil in the gold camps. Men made and lost thousands in a night, and sometimes small boys would go up and bet $5 or $10 and if they lost all of it, they would go back the next day and dig more.
P5 S2 also needs a comma.
The first and last paragraph should give and idea of what the main idea of your paper is. Have fun with it.
Roads, churches, schools, and other buildings were built in towns throughout California.
You should go into more detail on the negative affects that Native Americans faced
Instead of people say "Participants of the Gold Rush lived in cabins with six other minors."
What were their diets based off of?
What is scurvy?
Your quote in the last paragraph is too long, shorten it and put some of it into your own words with your own explanation.
Put a closing paragraph summing all of your points.It doesn't have to be a long, just a short paragraph to show what you went over.
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